I don’t know why people say Mard ko Dard Nahi Hota (men don’t feel pain), because I have suffered through a lot of physical pain throughout my life.
It was due to the expectations that our society has from men, in terms of strength. I’m a not-so-tall and thin guy, and I’m not suffering from any kind of disease. In my childhood however, I was very weak for a boy and that was a real disappointment for my parents.
I never understood why my dad wanted me to run miles when I felt more comfortable while playing chess at home. I don’t know why my mom always expected me to carry heavier-than-my-own-weight sacks of wheat flour through the stairs of our flat which was on fourth floor.
If I denied because the weight was too painful for my limbs, she used to sigh and say, “Oh god, was it for this day that you gave me a son?” It used to make me feel bad about myself, as if I am handicapped or disabled.
It was then that I decided to resist the pain and try doing all the boyish and manly stuff. I started playing football, gave up chess, I used to carry loads of weight, not only for my mother, but at my dad’s factory as well.
This pretentious manhood became the reason of the worst physical pain of my life as while in my dad’s factory I attempted to carry double load just to prove my worth as a man. I had my arm broken and head injured due to the fall I had. That was the worst physical pain because it was mixed with greater degrees of emotional pain. It was the pain of the failure of my manhood.