Mr. Bezos is in contrast to maximum paycheck-to-paycheck CARPs (an acronym I just made up: Celebrity Asymmetrical Retinal Positioning) because his wealth, stature and considerable non-public safety detail introduces the specter of severe bodily harm if one, say, approached Bezos and asked a pair applicable questions:
- ”Have you usually been go-eyed, and are you certainly cross-eyed?”
- “When your now-ex-spouse was granted a $38 billion divorce settlement, did your eyes move even greater in an exaggerated response to the divorce court docket’s selection? Did your eyes pass in the first location when you comically reacted to something through deliberately crossing them?”
- “Do you guide efforts by means of your *****-eyed brethren to deter use of the time period ‘go-eyed’ in prefer of the extra particular acronym CARP? Are you interested by acquiring the rights to CARP from the guy who created the time period, Jonathan Bates?”
- “Can I even have a $5,000 Amazon present card? It’s now not such as you don’t earn $5k a minute. Do me a stable, Jeff.”
- “When younger youngsters see your deranged eye and cringe in worry or begin sobbing as they factor at ‘the awful man who looks at the entirety all of the time’, do you sense:
1. Fury sated most effective by way of exacting vengeance on the child and all those who love him?
2. Shame that no longer even all the money in the global, mixed with fulfillment unmatched inside the direction of human records, had been imagined to make amends for your undisciplined, annoying ocular multitasking? Would you surrender the money, stuff and strength in case your imaginative and prescient were extra human and much less parrot-like?
3. Gratitude that any kids you have got or may additionally have within the future can be raised by means of Belgian nannies, and will cope with you as Mr. Father at the uncommon days you go to them or snoop on their Alexa recordings?”
- And: “If his eye circumstance is the end result of a brutal attack or a genetic condition, none of those questions have been from Jonathan Bates. I would hate for any insensitivity or gross failure of etiquette to affect your decision-making for your pending buy of the worldwide perpetual licensing rights to the acronym CARP.”
- “Where are we on that free Amazon present card, through the manner?”
( Image : google )